Loss.

It's hard to quantify. It's difficult to measure. It's even stranger to cope with it initially. The song said that "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." So true.

You don't know how to react when you first encounter loss. What should you do? Should you be doing something else? Or dealing with it in a different way? Loss deals you a hand you don't know quite what to do.

Firstly, there is the loss itself - you go numb.Then you go through the denial. It can't be happening. Not now, of all times to be happening. Then comes the grief and the shock of that being leaving your life - forever. Then comes the acceptance. How you deal with the aftermath depends on the individual. How the individual copes with life and the curveballs life throws.

My first loss in life was my grandfather. I wasn't really aware of him when he died. I was all of about five or six when he died. He taught me how to quack like Donald Duck - I can still do that. He was baldy and charismatic. But that's all I remember about him.

But I remember loads about my most recent loss. The fun I had, the good times far outweighing the bad. Many memorable moments, many of which I cherish. And I thank modern technology for making those fond memories stay very much awake in my present life.

My most recent loss in life was my Apple Macbook. I had the misopportunity of killing it recently. No one else to blame but myself. I was trying to place a rum and diet 7up on a tile coaster beside the laptop, when it didn't balance properly and spilled all over the keyboard. Goodbye Macbook.

I tried all the usual tricks of drying it out, but nothing worked. The damage had been done. So I called in the specialists. The kind of people that know the ins and outs of waferboards and drives.

The computer itself was history but the data I had input over the last three or so years was retrievable. I exhaled loudly, hoping they spoke the truth. They did - and so none of my previous work was in vain. I still have it all, thank fook.

And so I'm back blogging with a new keyboard - and happy that I've a new toy to work with for future writings.

But what an awful waste of rum!!

Ban the celebrity "My story so far" book.

I am sick of them. So called celebrities that flaunt their biographies before they turn forty. Your life has barely begun and because you have a modicum of status within the popular media, you 'tell all' about your life thus far. Please give me a bucket. Most of the pages in these books are barely worth wiping my arse with.

I was watching the Johnathon Ross Show the other night and witnessed another celebrity launch their autobiography. His name is Gareth Malone, better known as the Choirmaster. He is the same age as me - approaching 37. I am not discounting his ability as a choirmaster or indeed a broadcaster - but for feck's sake! You're not into your forties and are cashing in! It's exactly what he's doing.

He is not alone in the cashing-in stakes of biography. In fact, he is just small fry when it comes to the big deals being doled out by the large publishing houses.

In 2006, we saw the mother of all celebrity deals. Wayne Rooney signed a minimum of a five book deal over twelve years worth five million pounds plus royalties. What age was he then you ask? 20.

How can you possibly write your autobiography at the age of twenty?

There were some people that even suggested that how could he ever write five books about his life in that span. At this moment in time, the deal is being reviewed. This is mainly due to the fact that Rooney had a dreadful World Cup in 2010 and barely featured for England at the European Championships earlier this year. His book sales although strong initially, have faded somewhat. His star seems to be fading too.

In this case, you can hardly blame Wayne Rooney for saying yes to the five book deal, but is a life story worth that amount when it is churned out every two years or so?

Katie Price would tell you it is. She is the Queen of the 'My story so far' biography. She has sold over two million copies. Five books in less than ten years. That's what you call cashing in. And she hasn't hit the forty year old mark either.

John Terry hasn't retired from football yet either, has he? The man who just seems to love the limelight (for all the wrong reasons) has penned a deal a deal worth seven figures. And he hasn't even opened his laptop yet for his writer to do all the writing for him.

But worst of all! I hear rumblings that the stars of MTV reality show Jersey Shore are set to be offered book deals in the run up to Christmas - good God!

My rant is this - autobiographies are exactly this. A story of your life when you retire, recalling all the shenanigans and mishaps that blotted and coloured your life. Telling it in a fun and well written way, that leaves the reader with your aspect and your take on your life.

Biographies should be written by those who view your life as it happens, in fact and not fiction (although fiction sells better). But churning out your 'story so far' when you've barely even reached middle age spread is just nonsense and drivel to me.

What probably annoys me more, is that they sell, and sell well. Six of the top 20 books on Amazon right now are not fiction books. Two are autobiographies of the type I am moaning about, so maybe the problem isn't as bad as I initially feared.

Autobiographies should be a once off, and a nice little earner for the writer for a career that has spanned a generation or so. Not for someone who has barely lived life.