Multi-tasking Irish Mammy.

We all are good at something in life. We all excel at either (a) our jobs or (b) our hobbies. It could also be a sport or exercise. But what if it was a combination of all of the above?

Two days ago I came across a lady with talents I will never possess. Her ability to juggle multiple tasks at will and still retain her sanity was truly remarkable. She even had the time to have a glass of wine after she had performed minor miracles.

The lady was about 33-35 years of age and had five children under the age of ten. This in itself was admirable, but she was about to embark on a long-haul flight with these children on her own. No help from any other adult - none whatsoever. Until we gave her a helping hand - she even stated that she didn't really need help!

She was well able and confident enough to do everything on her own. She got a little frustrated on one occasion, saying "feck" for the first, and only time. And that was the end of it. No more cursing or expletives. No more terse adjectives said out loud in front of the kids. No more stress - the lady just wasn't wired that way.

The kids were a fine example of herself. They were calm and independent. They weren't needy and hyped up mad on Pringles and Fanta. Two of the older kids came directly to me and asked for water. And what they then did was outstanding too. They poured water for the others before pouring for themselves - what percentage of kids anywhere in the world, do that?

This lady had one boy and he was the eldest, at ten years old. He was a little gentleman and the lady said he was the apple of his father's eye. He was so mature for his age and helped out his mother at every turn. In fact, I don't think I was as mature as him even when I was sixteen.

Then came the two girls, aged eight and four. But the amazing part of how she managed this trip was that she had twin baby girls aged just fifteen months. And she had car seats. For both of them.

This lady came on a long-haul flight with two special zipped bags that contained car seats for the twins. The eldest boy carried the bottle and nappy bag - he carried nothing for himself. The two younger girls carried toys for the twins and colouring books for themselves. This lady carried only her purse for herself.

Six people - one bag and three small personal items. Fecking amazing. I nearly carry more going to the gym.

But the best part was that not one of them cried. The twins fell asleep with bottles from Mammy that were pre-prepared before the flight. They were asleep within an hour after takeoff, as if tuned to a clock. Irish Mammy sat in between them and watched her TV, with only one earphone plugged in with the other ear listening out for noise or disturbance.

Her three eldest kids sat happily behind her and watched films on their TVs until two of them fell asleep. Even the area that they sat in was clean, neat and tidy - an indication that they treated everything with respect. Guess who stayed awake throughout the flight to keep an eye on his sisters?

They say that we are reflections of our parents. We take different aspects of their personality and mould ourselves into the people we are today.

I took the time to say to this lady before she disembarked our plane, that she had done an amazing job bringing up her children. They were a fine example of her kind and gentle direction, and no doubt her husband's too.

But her skills as a mother and general of her small band of troops was utterly jaw-dropping.

I just wish all kids behaved this way on a plane.

Work Idiots.

We all work with idiots. No matter what your job is in life, you have a work colleague that is a bit of an imbecile. There's no getting away from that fact - they are everywhere.

Whether they are more junior or senior to you makes no difference - their very presence makes your skin crawl or makes you suppress your rage. But you maintain and control those little bits of anger hiding beneath your apparent calm exterior - because you are the better person.

They are the one person you meet in a hallway that you don't want to meet - and it always happens at the most inconvenient time for you. You say hi to each other - but you are muttering multiple expletives under your breath after you pass them.

They are the person who loans your stapler and never puts it back where they took it from. They are the people who mess up in front of your bosses and who never seem to get punished for it. If that was you, you'd get demoted, put on probation or get the sack. But not these plonkers - they probably don't even see the stupidity of their actions.

Or my favourite idiot - the person that constantly does things slowly and incorrectly - and then gets promoted. That makes me want to pull all strands of my hair out - one by one.

No doubt, I have this ability to make people's skin itch. There are plenty of people in my workplace that probably think I'm an idiot. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I probably think the same about them too.

You are never going to get on with all people in life. Especially your work colleagues - life just doesn't work that way. In life we can just walk away if someone is annoying you. But at work, you have to see these people everyday. And every day you spend in their presence builds your resentment toward them. How you deal with it reflects on you as a person.

We are all individuals with different opinions and values in life - not everyone will agree with another person's take on life. That's what makes us unique - the ability to think for oneself. Those that get influenced unduly by others are sometimes too afraid to make up their own mind for themselves. That's where bullies get their way - they can sense an opportunity to strike and influence someone. And this is what gets me boiling - the bullies.

There are those that love an altercation - whether it be physical or verbal - to get them through the day.

They love the interaction and provocation involved. That gets their juices flowing. They just love making someone else's work or life miserable. But remember that all that hate and resentment will eventually eat them up inside, and you will come out the far side a better person.

I hate to see injustice and unfairness, but it exists in every workplace. The longer I live on this planet, I'm coming around to the conclusion that it's not what you know, but who you know. That may sound a touch cynical, but I'm also realistic. I know it impinges on my (relatively) positive outlook on life, but not everything is actually sweetness and light.

The one certainty in life that I truly believe in is karma.

How you treat others reflects on you. Sometimes we all get frustrated with karma's actions and inactions.

But remember that karma does come around in the end. It might take its' time, but it gets there.

Eventually you get the satisfaction of saying "about feckin' time he/she got their comeuppance."

And then you will smile. A warm self-satisfied grin will cross your face.

You were right - they are a complete arsehole.

Old Attitudes.

There is only one thing in this world that is constant - change. If you don't adapt to the ever-changing world, you stagnate. Some people never change, no matter what circumstance throws at him or her.

Today I came across a man who seems stuck.

Stuck in the world of work that he left twenty years ago. Still referring to himself in the third person and still giving himself the title before his surname, that he used to have. Very telling to me and my colleague, but we couldn't show our amusement.

You could tell this man was used to the finer things in life at one stage and was used to getting his own way. But that was twenty years ago and he still expects to get everything for nothing.

He spoke like he had golf balls in his mouth and stood with his chest firmly stuck out. His nose was pointed north with spectacles perched on the bridge. The man barely smiled or interacted with his wife for two hours.

Everything he did talk about was spoken in a patronising tone. The only time light shone brightly in his face was when he talked of his former glories -  of when I was but a glimmer in my father's eye. I listened intently to him - firstly out of politeness and secondly - it interested me.

But when I spoke of more recent times, he suddenly became disinterested. When I spoke of when I started working, he rudely picked up his paper.

He may as well have said "Go away now, young man. I've finished talking."

That's what annoys me. When people stop learning things about themselves or others. When they stop growing as a person. When their tolerance of simply listening to another person reaches a "full" level.

They are, in effect, giving up on life.

It fascinates me that this man has travelled the world and probably seen many things in his life - yet seems intent on focusing only on his own existence.
Old habits die hard. Kind of sad really.

Irish Breakfast.

Having spent the best part of the past week travelling around Ireland going to two friend's weddings, I have now become immune to the Irish hotel breakfast. We pay to stay in nice hotels, but the staid Irish breakfast buffet is beginning to do my nut in. I know the hotel buffet is in vogue because it offers choice and keeps costs down - but is it really?

I do travel a lot and spend a huge chunk of my time in the mornings eating. I could spend anything up to two hours enjoying my breakfast. It's my favourite meal of the day - and according to all the various health enthusiasts - the most important too. No matter where I am or what time of the day it is - I make time for breakfast. But the difference in America is that - they cook to order.

Say what you like about American people as a whole - but they love their breakfast! You have to appreciate the mix of foodstuffs they offer for all people. It is a country of extremes, but I like the variety of choice. They also cook and serve the freshest of fruit, meat and produce - and cook it to order. Their offering of choice is far better than what we get offered here in Ireland.

I am not attacking Irish chefs - Ireland has come on in leaps and bounds as a world culinary force. But simple things have been overlooked. Not all hotels are like this - this is just some of my experiences.

In the sage words of my friend Sean who said about ten years ago - "If you're not happy, send it back." He was so right.

Irish people are beginning to cop onto this. Having had wealth grip the country recently, we have learned to say no. Now that our spending habits and patterns have changed, I honestly hope we don't go back to the idiotic "Ah sure it'll do - aren't you lucky to have it."

That's why I sent back white toast the other morning. I had asked for brown - a simple request and not one that should tax someone greatly. The server looked dumbstruck and plainly couldn't tell the difference. I then asked for scrambled eggs and the cook/chef pointed me toward the covered bain-marie. I shook my head and lifted the silver lid - the scrambled eggs were swimming in a fluid that I think was water. He couldn't see my point. I wanted freshly cooked scrambled egg.

The previous weekend was three nights staying in a four star hotel in Mayo. A beautiful hotel but their breakfast buffet was baffling. Irish breakfast buffets have a certain penchant for a large bowl of prunes in a sugary sweet fluid. Don't get me wrong - I like prunes - but every hotel has this fare and how long has it been sitting there? And tinned fruit cocktail and grapefruit! What happened to local Irish fresh fruit like strawberries? The saving grace was some lovely sliced melon.

My wife loves black pudding and constantly gets disappointed with how hotels serve it. If it is served to order, there is no problem. But left sitting over a warm flame for a long period of time - it dries up very quickly. It's no wonder American people don't like it - it gets served poorly for breakfast. Whatever happened to cooking an Irish breakfast to order where all ingredients are cooked freshly? Bed and Breakfast hostelries do it - why can't hotels?

So that's why I write this. Say no to rubbery chicken. Say no to a salad that has ingredients in it that you didn't ask for - why do nearly all Irish establishments have cucumber and peppers in their side salad?

Say no to vegetables that the server says are meant to be "al-dente."
My arse mate, I can't cut into them.

You are the customer.

I'm not happy with this. Send it back - no matter what our economic times throw at us.

Funny Names.

We all have funny names, in one way or another. You never might actually know until you find out by accident that your name means 'asscheek', in some other language. My own probably means 'gobshite' in one dialect or another.

Some people choose names for children that are so wrong, yet they inflict that name upon the child for the rest of their life. They deserve punishment of a different sort that thrusts the same pain upon them that the child endures.

But when situations throw up a funny incident with a funny name, that is different.

It was only recently when I was joking with a few colleagues over a few drinks, that we shared and compared stories about incidents that have occurred us. I relayed my two stories that happened me in the space of a week that stick way out in my mind. These are actual names.

Having nearly fully boarded the early flight to Heathrow about two years ago, one of our colleagues from the boarding section asked me to make an announcement (P.A.) for a missing passenger. She had a small piece of paper with her, that had the passenger's name on it.

The plane was almost completely full of suits and business types that no matter what you do, look down their noses at you. So if you give them an easy opportunity for them to laugh further, you don't do it.

I asked my boarding colleague, who was of Polish extraction, if it was someones idea of a bad joke. Especially this early in the morning - 6am. She looked at me, rather puzzled, and plainly said no. Realising that she was deadly serious, I didn't make the announcement. Instead I rang the back of the plane to where my fellow steward, was positioned.

"Hi Ian - this is Shane here at door one - would you mind having a look to see if we have a passenger in seat 36C?"
"Yeah sure - what's the name?"
"Eh, Haithcock."
"Are you serious?"
"Yep."
"No one sitting there."
"Grand stuff."
"Do you want me to ask around?"
"Unless you really want to."
"Eh, that'd be a no."

I took my Polish boarding colleague onto the airbridge to explain why I didn't make the announcement. Explaining that when pronouncing that particular surname that you don't pronounce the second 'h' - she was aghast. But she did shake her head and laugh at herself all the way back up the airbridge to the gate.

About one week later, I was operating a flight back to Dublin from Brussels. It was a case of same scenario, different place. One of our handling agents asked us to make a P.A. as we boarded the flight. We were near the time of departure and everyone was under pressure to get off the gate in time.

"Do you have passengers in 5 DEF?"
Visually checking from the front, I could see the seats were vacant.
"Eh, no."
"They are after travelling in from the Congo. Can you make an announcement for them?"
"Sure - what's the name?"
"Yumibumbum."

The pressure in the front galley was released. We laughed heartily.