Funny Names.

We all have funny names, in one way or another. You never might actually know until you find out by accident that your name means 'asscheek', in some other language. My own probably means 'gobshite' in one dialect or another.

Some people choose names for children that are so wrong, yet they inflict that name upon the child for the rest of their life. They deserve punishment of a different sort that thrusts the same pain upon them that the child endures.

But when situations throw up a funny incident with a funny name, that is different.

It was only recently when I was joking with a few colleagues over a few drinks, that we shared and compared stories about incidents that have occurred us. I relayed my two stories that happened me in the space of a week that stick way out in my mind. These are actual names.

Having nearly fully boarded the early flight to Heathrow about two years ago, one of our colleagues from the boarding section asked me to make an announcement (P.A.) for a missing passenger. She had a small piece of paper with her, that had the passenger's name on it.

The plane was almost completely full of suits and business types that no matter what you do, look down their noses at you. So if you give them an easy opportunity for them to laugh further, you don't do it.

I asked my boarding colleague, who was of Polish extraction, if it was someones idea of a bad joke. Especially this early in the morning - 6am. She looked at me, rather puzzled, and plainly said no. Realising that she was deadly serious, I didn't make the announcement. Instead I rang the back of the plane to where my fellow steward, was positioned.

"Hi Ian - this is Shane here at door one - would you mind having a look to see if we have a passenger in seat 36C?"
"Yeah sure - what's the name?"
"Eh, Haithcock."
"Are you serious?"
"Yep."
"No one sitting there."
"Grand stuff."
"Do you want me to ask around?"
"Unless you really want to."
"Eh, that'd be a no."

I took my Polish boarding colleague onto the airbridge to explain why I didn't make the announcement. Explaining that when pronouncing that particular surname that you don't pronounce the second 'h' - she was aghast. But she did shake her head and laugh at herself all the way back up the airbridge to the gate.

About one week later, I was operating a flight back to Dublin from Brussels. It was a case of same scenario, different place. One of our handling agents asked us to make a P.A. as we boarded the flight. We were near the time of departure and everyone was under pressure to get off the gate in time.

"Do you have passengers in 5 DEF?"
Visually checking from the front, I could see the seats were vacant.
"Eh, no."
"They are after travelling in from the Congo. Can you make an announcement for them?"
"Sure - what's the name?"
"Yumibumbum."

The pressure in the front galley was released. We laughed heartily.