The Running Poseurs.

Many of you know that I like to run. I was a member of a running club at the age of 14 (Navan AC) and ran competitively until the age of 19. Then I discovered drink and ladies, and well, you know - I got distracted.

I really wasn't that good in competition - I was one of those athletes (and I use that term loosely) who made up the numbers in a race. To be quite honest, both my older brothers were far better runners than me - but I think I stuck with it longer. I kind of enjoyed the solitude of running alone on the open road and well, still do to this day.

I ran a few marathons a number of years ago and wanted to hit the magic number of five achieved in my lifetime. But I got to three and then realised that it took up almost two and a half years of my life. And I wanted to have working joints and knees when I hit 50! So I put that ideal to the back of my mind.

Whilst training for the marathons, I was still playing local soccer with a club in Navan. I was quite fit yet playing football was my main priority. Running was a way of keeping fit if I missed the usual training sessions on a Tuesday and Thursday evenings. But then I got injured playing football - and age and creakiness caught up with me. I wasn't as young as I previously was and my body was starting to show it's age.

Of course, when you have a life-changing event at the same time, you really start to evaluate what is really important.

Football training is not important anymore. For nearly sixteen years, that's where I thought where strength and fitness came from. Now I know that's not true. Now I am stronger and fitter than ever before - and what is that due to? Plain and simple - running. And enjoying every fecking minute of it.

The reason I give you the background is simple - I want to explain my love for the sport. It used to be a means to an end - but now I realise (here comes the sage wisdom) that it has been the steady constant in my life since the age of 13.

Every time I'm in the USA on a one or two night trip with work, I go running. I always bring my running gear with me so I can run every day - even though this is not possible on every trip. I do get distracted easily, I admit, by the prospect of a good night out. Of course, it's only natural that I can't run with a hangover. I have done it, and yes, it isn't fun. More like sticking needles into your eyelids and stomach than sweating it out of your system.

So every time I'm in the USA at the weekend - whether it be New York, Boston, Chicago or Orlando - I hate AND enjoy going running on a Saturday or Sunday morning. I am torn by the mixed emotions I feel as I run. One minute I am laughing my arse off and the next I am bulldozing my way through idiots that block my path as I clearly shout (and enunciate properly!) "Excuse me!"

This sounds like a mixed message - let me explain. I have been a runner for over twenty years and experienced and well trained runners can spot another good runner a mile away. They can also spot runners who are doing all the correct things to improve their craft and passion. They can spot good gait, good pace and good form too.
I know this sounds like complete wallop, but it is true. One good runner will often nod the head to another runner, who they recognise as being experienced as they pass each other going in the opposite direction. It is affirmation of the fact you are doing something correctly and someone recognises your effort.

So when you see the complete opposite of this in a New York or Boston park at the weekends, you either tend to pull your hair out or fall into the pond / river laughing at their stupidity and the matching outfits.
What made me laugh and cry on Saturday morning was the running clubs. They have the elite runners who haven't a pick of a bean on their bodies and run races every week or two (and always look gaunt).
Then we have the intermediate runners - who are experienced but use the training as a means to keeping fit and healthy and look great.

And then we have the POSEURS. The people who I both want to punch and hug - all at the same time.

I want to hug them because some of them are making the effort to learning how to run properly. They are maybe starting late in life, but I applaud that even more. They might plant their foot wrongly or pronate their toes, but I clap the fact they are trying. It's the gobshites I hate.

I'm talking about the men and women who buy all the top quality, proper gear and cannot run to save their life. They walk or make wide angled arm movements to make it look like they are running. In my opinion, most of these men and women are actually just bringing their clothes along for the ride while they chat with their mates. They aren't remotely out of breath! You are fooling no one! They block the lane too!

May I give some simple tips for those aspiring runners out there?

1. Wearing a matching running outfit does not AUTOMATICALLY make you a complete runner.

2. If anything, good runners NEVER wear a matching outfit. Wear contrasting colours to stand out - if you want.

3. Running involves placing your entire foot on the ground to push off and propel you onto the next step - if you are running at the same pace as walking, you are just walking.

4. When someone faster than you is about to pass you by - and they say clearly "excuse me" - move the fuck over.

5. If you say clearly (at least twice) "excuse me" to other patrons who are using the same pathway, and they do not move - you have the right to bulldoze right through them. You have the backup of saying "I did say excuse me twice! Asshole!" (The last word is optional, but I do use it in a more profane manner at times.)

6. Be considerate to other runners running in the same direction to you and coming toward you.

7. Listen to music while running - but keep it at a sound level where you are still aware of your surroundings. Be aware of traffic and passing cyclists. Music moves you faster and motivates you to do better - it also makes the run pass by in a bit of a blur.

8. This is one of the most important aspects - PLEASE buy the correct running gear! It doesn't have to be expensive or high brow - it just has to be comfortable while you run. Whatever you buy that works for you, may not work for everyone else - so buy for you and don't get dictated by price-tags and labels! Let everyone else buy for themselves - no matter if they pay E5 or $555 for a pair of shorts.

9. You can never have too much lube / plasters / Vaseline for those chaffing areas.

10. Invest in a cheap pair of running shades - they may look gank but they achieve a purpose when running.

11. Always pack suncream - even in Ireland.

12. Irish men - NEVER wear black socks while running. Or four year old trainers! Or GAA shorts! We appreciate that you're making the effort but jaysus! Invest some money in new gear!

13. Leave your jewellery behind at home / hotel - your hands and arms sweat and make it easier for you to lose / slip off when you least expect it.

14. Invest in good runners - I buy two or three pairs a year because the treads in mine deteriorate quickly due to the amount of running I do. Change your runners every 300-400 miles if you are serious about running.

15. This is the most important point - enjoy it. Try and run with a smile on your face - let that be the one challenge I set you on your next or first run. Smile while running or do what I do - sing to your music! Yeah, you might look a bit crazy, but heh! You're running! You're stunning! It's allowed! Most people think running is a mad person's sport anyhow.

For all of you out there - give running a try. Give it your all on your own - if you have the time. Run on a bog road or a city street - running knows no boundaries.

There is no finish line.